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| I wish you knew how I felt. I wish I knew how you felt... We say we do.. but do we really. like rearry rearry. maybe im just scared, maybe i try too hard to make this so problem free that its creating problems. i know i care and i know you care but it doesnt seem to show. i dont regret anything.. well.. maybe holding back things really took a toll on me. i dont think ive hurt that bad out of no where before. i mena.. i realllly hurt that night. but i guess id make things more complicated... ahh that word -_-' i pretty much miss it already. thinking about it made the night go by slower. looking at everything just made me think about it ever more. i really didnt think itd be so much of an impact on my life but it is. i know exactly what i got myself into... but going up the hill makes it that much funner when you go down it... i wanna get to the top so bad /=. what good would things be if you didnt have to work for them. what sense of accomplishment would that be. blah. my own thoughts dont even make sense. boo to this feeling... yeah i even talk like you now -_- i found myself laughing like you while playing a game last night and it made me just turn it off. i dont want it to be like this... but i feel like im backed up against the wall ]= this sucks.... gahhh i had all next week planned out... now i dont know what to do with it.. i thought long and hard on your gift.. i was so excited when i got it in the mail. i acted like a little boy opening it on xmas.... i dont know how you mean so much to me.. ive been falling since december... as i fall deeper and deeper.. yeah there are little bumps but i know it wont stay like that... ive gotten so close to you. like having a best friend. i can basically be whoever i want to be without being judged... i can act stupid, gay, weird, be embarassing without being embarassed... i dont feel like ive changed except that i care more and more about you as the days go by... i like you cause you even tho it may not seem like it.. you made me a better person. schoolwise i never did anything... but when i see that youre proud of me it makes me feel so much better that i tried. made me more organized and more goal oriented towards the future. you made me care more about people and giving them the "benefit of the doubt" and for that i have better friendships. you got me more active since i met you. i wanted to start playing basketball more since we went on those hikes and what not. you got me to admire youre ambition. i might not tell you as much but.. i really like how you try so hard and keep yourself busy. and keep everything balanced. i sometimes wish i had that /=. you make me feel important by ending your nights with me.. and starting your days with me.. you try and get me up early and i know its my fault for always staying up late.. i said id try to sleep earlier but we usually end up staying up together. there are alot of mishaps between us... but i feel like theres so much more good about us that outweighs the minor things. you dont know how much it changes my day just when you say you miss me or heart me. i mean... i know its sad.. but alot of times im afraid to say those things to you cause of the answer i'll hear ]= i do alot for you not just cause i was with you but cause i have grown so close to you and i think you deserve it. when you say things like you dont deserve me... i dont believe that at all.. youre such a great person and i know that... but the way youve been treated throughout your life... oh freakin a.. you deserve this more than anything. and i want to be that person that can make you smile, know you when something is wrong... and i usually can feel it and you know it too... ive been blessed in my life and i know it may be different in yours.. but i wanted to be one to make a difference in your life... seeing you happy means so much to me... but it doesnt really change what has happened.. but i want it to have a huge effect for whats to come. even if its not with me... i couldnt tell you why i like you so much cause i was put on the spot... i wish i wasnt so angry at the time to tell you.. i couldnt think of it at the time... now i guess you'll never know... i wanted to make this work so bad i wanted you to be mine for good... no more fighting.. but as i fought for you.. the harder it got.. im not the one to give up.. but the more and more i fought.. i realized i was hurting you.. the exact opposite of my intentions... i took a step back and saw that i was forcing myself onto you.. that i wasnt being the one who was there for you and i kept trying to be ther hero... and for that im sorry. i cant force you to feel for me i cant force you to make a decision when youre not ready... i cant do anything /=. maybe one day i'll actually have a chance to tell you all of this but since i messed up i dont know if i ever will... your bday is coming up.. id hate to ruin that by showing my face... but i would of loved to give your gift.. to see you smile... i know youre fine without me... and thats what kills me inside... i want to be the one you want around... i wanna be more than just a boyfriend... but i cant.. i cant ever tell you what i want.. it just seems selfish.. i cant help thinking of how its gonna be after this... i cant tell you how much i want this in my life.. i mean... who am i gonna put to sleep at night... who am i gonna call to tell the most random shit to.. who am i gonna snuggle with -_- i miss you already and i dont know if i'll get you back... as much as i try to fight this feeling its always gonna show... i hope you come back... cause if youre gone... i dont know what comes next... when youre here.. i seem to be on track... i really dont know what else more i could do.. i cant seem to concentrate anymore.. nothing seems to describe what only my tears are doing right now... it hurts... i really want... to want.. to do the dishes... ]= i dont know anymore... i just want you... i guess i'll add to this later.. it aint over til its over... ]= still heart you.. i wish i could tell you... everything.....
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| someone made me change my default pic since she hates me so much  .... *COUGH* CHERYL | | |
| everythin nowadays seems so... bittersweet | | |
| SOOOO yeah... FORCE olympics today.... then whatever... and im going to 2 proms =) srry cheryl for messing up the song hahah thought that counts?? haha ummm nd thx agnes for saving my wallet haha for the tix and pix yeah... im in major debt right now but im pretty sure its all worth it mmmhmmm come back to this later | | |
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